How do you feel about date nights with your sig. other? Do you make sure you have an evening every week dedicated to each other? Every month? Quarterly? How often do you carve out time…I mean uninterrupted time…just the two of you time. No kids, no work, no dishes or baskets of laundry in sight, no spotted bathroom mirrors or floors, no Shameless or football to distract you. YOU time. Couple time. Sacred time. How often do you do that?
I have seen and heard on many occasions that it is crucial to spend a night a week in ‘date night mode’ with your partner. Keeps the relationship alive. And it makes total sense. When I think about when I was dating my husband, in the early days and weeks and months, it was nothing short of magical. Forget carving out time…we CRAVED each other and spent every moment we could together. We fused into each other’s lives. It didn’t always mean that we had to leave our apartments either. We didn’t have kids…come to think of it, there wasn’t usually a pile of dishes or laundry…nor were the mirrors or floors spotted (ok…there was probably some dishes and laundry at my place…and the mirrors were likely spotted as was the floor~what? domestication is still something I’m learning)..anyway regardless of whether our apartments were immaculate…we didn’t care. We had more important things to do. Like fall in love.
And then came kids (or marriage…whichever came first matters not)…bless their tiny souls…devour their squishy bodied, sparkly eyed, contagious laughed little beings. A new kind of magic. Another life to fuse with ours. And I mean fuse. All of a sudden…like literally all of a sudden…as in one minute you’re two and the next you’re three…and, in an instant, dating is a distant memory. Just like that. Poof.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my littles and am beyond grateful that they chose me…chose US…to experience this life with. They light it up and teach me more than anyone or anything else ever has or ever will. And as I fondly reminisce about my hubby’s and my young love, I know without a doubt that it is that time…that love…that gifted me all that I am today. Who says that we can’t have both? Who says we can’t both love on our kids and be fused as a family AND love on each other and be fused as a couple? After all ‘they’ say we should be going on dates once a week.
I don’t know about you…but getting out of the house once a week…just the two of us…is damn near impossible. I work in the evenings a few nights a week so the other nights I do want to eat dinner with my family and put the girls to bed. But even when I wasn’t working in the evening we weren’t getting out once a week. For one, we don’t have a babysitter…and have never made a true effort to find one (SEVEN years later…talk to my husband about that one). For another, we live in a rural area where things to do are rather limited. Ok…as I’m writing this I’m realizing I’m making excuses. Do you do this? Or are you a rockstar that is still dating your spouse? Seriously. Tell me.
A couple months back I planned a date night with my lover. I asked my parents to have a sleepover with the girlies and I made that shit happen. We went floating for the first time. As in floating in a pod filled with salt water. And then we checked out a new restaurant and drank kombucha on tap and ate the most delicious cauliflower wings I have ever laid my taste buds on. And then we held hands as we drove home. Committed to ‘doing this more often’ as we say every time we go out. And then we don’t. And when months pass and we haven’t spent quality time together I get grumpy…and we start arguing about every little thing…and we start to not like each other so much. And then one of us plans a date…and we fall in love all over again.
Maybe weekly doesn’t work for us…as heavenly as it sounds. But quarterly seems too few and far between. I’d love to know your thoughts.
Until next time…I am committed to being more present and living compassionately.