I’m stretching into myself these days. And at times it’s causing some growing pains in my marriage and bringing up feelings of guilt around sacrificing more time with my daughters. But let me tell you…growing pains and guilt and all…man it feels GOOOOOOD.
It feels good to not ask for permission and to follow my own heart.
It feels good to dance with old friends (even if what that really means is sitting around a ‘conference’ table in a library forming Parent Council at my kid’s school).
It feels good to push the edges of my comfort zone and feel high on nature and creative energy.
It feels good to take conversations and interactions offline…or at least off social and connect with people and hear their voices and allow their passion to surge through my body.
It feels gooooood to choose me.
So….if all of this feels so effing good…why did I even mention guilt and growing pains? Why even go there? Why even rain on my own beautiful damned parade?
Two words. Mom Lens.
It’s like a prescription for your eyesight. At night you take your glasses off, place them on the nightstand and settle into slumber. The glasses are never far mind you. Should there be a reason in the middle of the night to rise and see what’s up. But for the most part…you nod off into lala land. Maybe you’re a vivid dreamer and sleeping means you connect to yourself through dream. Maybe you’re like me and remember dreams only on rare occasions. Either way…your glasses are waiting for you when you rise and you put them on and go about your day. You need them. You can’t see without them. You can’t function without them. You can’t make decisions…about anything…without them. They are a part of you…and lasik is not an option.
So back to the idea of Mom Lens. As a mother, every.single decision I make is made through my mother lens. The beautiful/messy miracle of a gift that is motherhood comes with otherworldly responsibility. It comes with the blessing of considering the needs and wants of others when considering our own. Every area of life is impacted…relationships, social life, spirituality, creativity, finances, career, education, health, physical activity, home cooking, home environment and everything in between.
So when it comes to going about life…once I became a mother…I put on my mother lens and unlike eye glasses, I never take off my momma lens. Even when sleeping…I have one eye open…one ear open…and one heart in constant burst out my chest open mode.
Yes…there is guilt. Mom guilt is a thing. The struggle between self care and the care of the little beings entrusted to me is real. But here is what I am absolutely sure about…if I don’t take care of me…light me up…grow me, I will have only a shell left to take care of my most precious part of me. So I choose to do the things make me me…unapologetically. In truth…it’s all for them anyway. Modeling strength and courage and kindness and grace and self love is the best chance my daughters have to live an abundant and joy filled lit up happy life overflowing with love.
Wishing you an unapologetically lit up day.
PS…if living life through a mom lens speaks to you…I invite you to join me in my brand new space.